Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Unravelling

What is it you're trying so hard not to see?

Sometimes work overwhelms, I have a bad habit of accepting nearly everything, and saying no to nothing, until I reach the breaking point, overwhelm, situation normal all fucked up (that's my normal state of being, complete chaos, and I only feel comfortable when everything around me is crumbling, crumbling, blasting away to kingdom come).

What is it you're trying so hard not to see?

I haven't sorted out a thing. Not a damn thing. The credit card thing is still hanging in the air. As is the fate of Arnold. As is... a myriad of a million little things unresolved, unsettled. Kind of like my stomach now.

What is it you're trying so hard not to see?

So she asks me, how far have you gone and I say, um, I haven't started yet. And she goes into hysterical meltdown. Hey sugar, I work fast, I really do. I can have one of these babies for you in no time at all. And it will be semi-intelligent...I'd make it intelligent but that wouldn't fit the bill, would it? Not with the present audience...one syllable words said very slowly is how we do it...enunciate!

What is it you're trying so hard not to see?

It's this piece of black tubing at the back of the oven that connects to the gas.

Doesn't it come with the oven?

Apparently not.

Go buy it.

Sigh. OK.

What is it you're trying so hard not to see?

The picture fell, the glass broke and this was years ago. Years. I want to fix it. I've been carrying it around in my car. I still haven't fixed it. The framers are disappearing, slowly. Who saw them go?

What is it you're trying so hard not to see?

The assignment tomorrow was cancelled. Yay! I didn't want to go for it. I really, really didn't. And I didn't want to fake it either. Cancelled. Maybe email questions. Maybe not.

What is it you're trying so hard not to see?

I don't know. You tell me.

2 comments:

Nessa said...

I had a counselor once who said we create problems/chaos as a form of distraction and procrastination - there all of these tasks (we know we can fix) that need to be done first before the thing we really should be doing.

Jenn said...

Granted. But you know Ness, when I'm overwhelmed with work, I stop brooding over and minding other stuff. Like who's mad at me this week. And whose expectations I'm not living up to. And who I'm disappointing yet again.