Friday, January 26, 2018

Soft kitty, warm kitty

Lost is my new normal. Except that it feels old. I just didn't realise that it was normal. I didn't accept it. Until now.

So I gather other lost creatures around me. Hold them in my lap and sing to them:

Soft kitty, warm kitty,
little ball of fur
happy kitty, sleepy kitty
purr, purr, purr.

They go to sleep while I stay up and worry about the work I haven't finished. The work I have brought home for the weekend.

The work that means I need to live another complete it.


I have cleared a story. It wasn't too bad. I am still way behind but, well, what can you do? The road goes on and on...

Bleeding all over the page

So I've decided that this kind of existence is not worth it. Work and more work. Caught up in the rush of busyness...while my soul weeps silently, unheeded.

I need to do something, something... I don't know what.

So for a start, I'll nick myself, open a tiny vein and bleed all over the page.

This page.

Stay tuned.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Friday, January 12, 2018

A Simple Transaction

It's a simple transaction, really
Those who care
Those who don't.

So don't walk around
feeling bruised
No one is OBLIGED
to care for you
No one.

Remember that.

And get on with your life.

This Side of Despair

I have questions, naturally.

Or rather, I had questions.

Now I have peace.

Tuesday, January 09, 2018

Flawed human beings

Today, somewhat inexplicably, I stalked the Facebook page of someone I considered an enemy and the epitome of evil: beautiful, ruthless, mendacious. And I found two grammatical and spelling errors in what she said.

And suddenly, my animosity dissolved, not knowing where to go. Her mistakes made her fallible, with English that was not very good...OK they could have been typos. But two? For an editor? And suddenly she was just a vulnerable human being who had made mistakes. A human being I had liked before she turned hostile, but not one that was dangerous or evil or anything.

She was just a child clutching at happiness, because, let's face it, she was always on the outside looking in.

She had hurt someone to get what she wanted. But that's what we do. We hurt other people. We don't think about what we are doing. We don't consider.

Maybe this is a minor miracle.

Who would have thought that finding two errors would lighten a load I had been carrying for all this time.

I hated her because she hated me. I hated her, because she pointed out my flaws.

Now I find that she has flaws.

And, everything is all right again.

Lord if you marked our transgressions, who would stand? Thanks to your grace we are cleansed by the blood of the Lamb...