Thursday, July 19, 2007

Kinda Temporary

I still feel kinda temporary about myself. Willy Loman (Death of a Salesman)

There is much to be thankful for. Much. And yet, I drift from day to day wondering at this succession of illusions/hallucinations/pictures/soundbytes that make up my life.

The narrative has ceased to be coherent. It's more of an impressionist painting. I take in splashes of colour, a cacophony of voices and try to assign a meaning to any or all of it.

Nada. No dice. Sorry honey, no cigar.

One boss says:

"She needs to calm down." (he was speaking to someone else about me)

Another says:

"Jennifer, you need to learn to get along with people."

Personally, I think yoga is the answer.

And if it isn't, I'll take up knitting.


goldennib said...

I often feel like I am standing beside myself and the real me is this smoking spirit entity and the physical me is like a vase sitting on a table that I am observing.

I am always being told I need to learn to play better with others. I don't wanna. (See the pouty lip?)

If yoga helps, please let me know.

L. said...

I tried to do yoga with Brian Kest's DVDs (as I don't really want to experience the flatulence of a real yoga class)'s alright. Hurts a bit.

I also do a bit of knitting - want an ugly scarf from Ohio?

I like being a hermit. There are many days when I think my cat is the most evolved being on the planet...then I check if I've had my coffee yet. *uncaffeinated snarl*

Jackie said...

You actually do NOT have to play well with others, if you don't want to. You get the choice. (Sometimes it helps just to know it is a choice and it is yours). But if you find that you CHOOSE to play along - in order to get what you want - then just "act as if". No one can take away what is inside of you. Or take anything you don't allow them to have.

Jenn said...

Nessa: I will. Once I start it. I once did this test which identified me as a bull in a china shop. As years go on, I come to acknowledge the truth of it.

l: Are you who I think you are? If so, I would LOVE an ugly scarf from Ohio.

Jackie: That's what I told myself. And then there was this sort of senior person who burst into tears when she was told off and said sobbing: "But Jennifer gets away with murder." So I'm thinking I'd better stop getting away with murder.

l. said...

yes it is! (though l. is laid to rest and am happy to be out and about under me own name)

what color? i have never knitted a scarf for anyone save myself and my relatives, so this is quite exciting! (though, i have to tell you, it will be ugly and likely will be narrow in the beginning and slowly, steadily wider as i finish!)

i shall cya on F.B.!

Jenn said...

Hmmmm....I tried to access your blog and found it was deleted by authors.


Red. I love red. And I'm sure you're genetically incapable of making anything even remotely ugly.