Wednesday, August 23, 2006

There's A Kind of Hush

Soemtimes life pauses to take a breath. In that hush between words, you see all these scenes splayed out in front of you, meandering towards completion. Completion, in nearly all these cases, would be painful. Or startling. Or real. Right now, you're in a waiting place, and that feels slightly unreal, but OK.

Someone is dying. It is only a matter of time. An operation to stave off the inevitable, but it is only a delaying mechanism. When you've used up the life in your body, you die. It's not pretty, but it's nature's way.

Someone is getting married. And I have to be one of the MCs (tragedy indeed! I will go up on stage and become tongue-tied) And although the wedding is on Saturday, I still have no idea what to wear! This is what happens when you don't fit your dressy clothes anymore.

I am leaving for abroad. The tickets have been purchased. And yet, it doesn't seem like I'm going. It feels strange. Not quite real, somehow.

I have given in at least three invoices for work done. They have yet to be "processed". So I made brownies. (I know you don't see the connection but there is one, believe me, there is)

I have stopped reading Dostoevsky 5 because I got irritated by his Russian chauvinism and have taken to soothing my mind with toilet literature. In this case, Wilkie Collins.

I still go walking every morning. I try and make it early. If I get there at 4.30am, there are still people there. I like the morning hush. A little late (like say 5.30) and there is already a crowd. I don't like the morning crowds.

I love people. They annoy the heck out of me.

I may be meeting someone I have wanted to meet for a long time on Friday. An old lady. And I am supposed to try and convince her to let me write her life story. But for that day, I shall just buy her lunch. A nice lunch. (Now where does one get a nice lunch in Ipoh?) Building up trust and all that.

I watched Renaissance Man for the first time yesterday. It was splendid. Now I feel like reading Henry V. Or Hamlet. Othello. Maybe King Lear.

No cause, no cause

For the past few days, I have been going to bed at 7.30. In the evening. I pass out and sleep till morning. I mean to say, what? But at least now, I'm not grumpy in the morning when anybody calls. And my nerves are no longer shot to hell.

Is this the promised end?

17 comments:

goldennib said...

I'm so glad you are sleeping and still enjoying your walks.

Life keeps moving on.

Glad your trip has come through.

QuillDancer said...

This is the body reclaiming it's supremacy over your will. It has ways of making you sleep ....

i have gone back to work. I am not saying my stress level sky rocketed, but I have a twitch in my left eyebrow, and at the store tonight I bought only chocolate. Chocolate soy milk, chocolate low fat pudiing cups, low fat chocolate brownies .... oh, and banana-strawberry yogurt. I believe I will need to return to the store in a more focused frame of mind and do my real grocery shopping.

ichatteralot said...

It seems to be an air of concentration and preparation just before you take off - for a bright future!

Jenn said...

Nessa: Heck, I shouldn't have wrote that. I failed to set the alarm last night so woke up too late today to go for my walk (at least, too late for me not to bump into a million people, which annoys the heck out of me).

Quilly: Mmmmmmm chocolate (said in Homer Simpson's voice when he is referring to doughnuts). I know...I find myself fading if I stay up past eight at night. Also am up very early and had at least one friend complain (because I SMS-ed her at 7)...I didn't think her phone would be on at the time. I thought she would get it when she switched on her phone...oh dear, I wonder how this will play itself out.

ichatteralot: I was gonna say, welcome, and then I went and checked out your site and the links and realise you have been here before. Anyway, thanks.

Ekta said...

*I love people. They annoy the heck out of me.*

I soo love this line...!

Jenn said...

Ekta: Thanks for stopping by. And for the compliment.

Anand said...

hey happened to come here thru ektas blog and loved thw way u right..
ur random thots all together...say a lot abt u..!

QuillDancer said...

Jenn, Everytime I've popped in here the last couple of days I leave singing:

There's a kind of hush all over the world tonight, all over the world you can hear the sound of lovers in love."

Grey Shades said...

Where did my comment go? Anyway it does look like the promised end of your Insomnia! Glad you are sleeping well lady!

furyouhin said...

I'm intrigued by the idea of a wedding so large that it needs more than one MC (does MC = master of ceremonies? As in Highlander, should there be only one?)

gah, I can't believe I referenced that cheesy of a movie. Must have been something about his lazy eye.

Jenn said...

Anand: Hello. Welcome to my blog. I am nothing but a bunch of random thoughts strung together in a Jabberwocky sort of way, attempting to make sense of itself. Thanks.

Quilly: You and me both. I love Herman's Hermits.

Grey: Arre bhai...your comment was another postlar.

Fury: I am immortal....lalalala...OK it's not that big a wedding...but you see, she wanted us both to be involved. Hence, the two MCs, bit. Of course, we're both hoping to pan the job off on each other (she's the professional, she was a newsreader, business show host, etc while I'm nothing, just family is all)

QuillDancer said...

Jenn, you may be "just family" but you will never be nothing.

Grey Shades said...

Ah I see... Either I'm growing old or I'm distracted and I cant seem to make up my mind. So all set for Sat? Wish Eve from me too! and binge on the cake ;)

Jenn said...

Quilly: Awwwww, I love you too...

Grey: Hmmm...I'm supposed the geriatric here, young un!

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

Peter Noone, I love him.
Then came the Monkees.
Deus Ex Machina indeed.

QuillDancer said...

There's a kind of hush
all over the world tonight
All over the world
you can hear the sounds of lovers in love
You know what I mean

Just the two of us
and nobody else in sight
There's nobody else and I'm feeling good
Just holding you tight

So listen very carefully
Closer now and you will see what I mean
It isn't a dream

The only sound that you will hear
Is when I whisper in your ear I love you
For ever and ever

Jenn said...

No milk today, my love has gone away, the bottle stands for love, the symbol of the dove.