Wednesday, August 09, 2006

A Guide to Looking Younger Than Your Age (if you're into that kind of thing which you may not be in which case disregard this post)

"How old are you?" he asked, casually, like it's a polite question and not one of the 10 big no-nos and likely to get you bitch slapped.

"34 years and what month is it now, August? Well 34 years and 9 months exactly," I answer because one of my affectations is that I always answer this question without hesitation. (My other is that I insist on using a fountain pen, which makes many people look at me askance, but let us be eccentric or die)

"Wow. You don't look your age at all. In fact, if you hadn't told me, I would have not pegged you at over 33 years and 11 months," he breaks into an artless guffaw.

I am stunned. 10 whole months younger! I must be doing something right. Trouble is, I don't know what. So here, in an effort to share the blessing, I give you all the ways I know of to look at least 10 months younger.

1. Be a bum: Now, this may be obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people are addicted to having jobs they hate.

2. Go through periodic bouts of intense depression: I dunno, it's probably cathartic or something, but it certainly works for me.

3. Eat more chocolate: See it's all about being happy and more chocolate makes everyone happier.

4. Have brief forays into alcoholism during which you write suicidal poetry: Happened, in Australia where the wine was cheaper and more accessible. Again, donno why but it seemed to work.

5. Toss off phrases like "I don't suffer assholes gladly" and then don't. They'll give you a wide berth. It may be a little lonely at first, especially if you're surrounded by them, but heck, it probably shaves like a couple of months off your biological age.

6. Go for long walks at the Bukit Kiara arboretum: During which time you take note of how all the geriatrics are much fitter than you. Then come back and eat a whole tub of ice cream to comfort yourself.

7. Hang about with people a lot older than you: Like at least 50 years older. You're bound to look younger then.

8. Lose your temper often: Again, catharsis.

9. Cuddle your Mummy and climb on her lap if you can: She may scream get off you baby elephant, but still, it's nice.

10. If all else fails, learn to make really good desserts: You can bribe your friends into saying you look 10 months younger.

17 comments:

QuillDancer said...

This is my thought on looking younger: Why do I want to lose all this weight? How many wrinkles are currently filled in with fat? I do not want to know.

goldennib said...

This was hysterical. I have taken notes and will begin the regimine tomorrow. Oh, heck, I'll have chocolate right now. Why wait?

Grey Shades said...

LOL! So this is the extended meme eh? ;) Loved this post!!! And yes I'm ready to be bribed :D

Jenn said...

Quilly: Either that or your skin could stretch right out like a bedsheet, all calm and smooth and unruffled.

Nessa: Thanks. Chocolate makes the world go round...

Grey: OK, what will it be?

Grey Shades said...

Awwww you are so sweet! I'll settle for the Choco Rasp Str Bar :)

QuillDancer said...

My 40 something skin is running low on stretch.

A thinker said...

teehee :) Sounds like a good strategy for me...in some ways.

two_faces_of_eve said...

Ask a man - they have the right answer

Jenn said...

Grey: You got it babe. Chocolate raspberry streusel bar it is.

Quilly: Dunno bout that...you tend to youth, reverse the aging process when you get on the healthy bandwagon.

A thinker: Which ways I wonder...:)

Two faces of Eve: Hmmmm I would take umbrage at that remark, but then some men do have answers, like my strategic consultant friend who was my dial-a-quote when I was a reporter...but other than a select few, I would say, you crazy girl?

Grey Shades said...

Awesome! See i'm so tenacious when the need calls for it ;) Alas I wish I was so strong willed for 'other stuff' too...

Grey Shades said...

Yummy! :) I'm gonna wait for that moment. So what plans for the weekend? I'm jus getting ready for a looooong weekend...

hot coffee girl said...

I am 34 as well. (34 and 6 months, actually.) I recently was talked into letting my hair be it's natural color. Which, is turning pure white (not grey!) with surprising speed. I am guessing that at this rate, it will be all white by the time I am 40. And I love it.
So, since I am technically younger, but may look older...Can I get me some of those desserts?

Jenn said...

Grey: Tenacious, hmmmm....it is a quality I admire in you, actually. You are tenacious, but in a sweet way. Weekend - I had plans but they are now cancelled - if I can finish last story, I will be walking on sunshine or sleeping the whole day through without worrying that I should be doing something else.

Hot Coffee Girl: Welcome to my blog. Sure you can have desserts - which one do you want? And when are you coming over?

furyouhin said...

I've always thought if one was compelled to like about one's age, it would make more since say you're older. "I'm 63, no really!" while someone says "My god, you don't look a day over 30."

quilldancer said...

Weekend plans? I am usually trying to recooperate from the week. Guess I am older than I look.

Jenn said...

Fury: Now there's a thought. I did do that once, but it was to get rid of a pest. He didn't believe me though.

Quilly: Happy recuperating. As usual I spent the night wide awake...now it's morning and I'm aching all over...guess I'm younger than I feel...

furyouhin said...

since? err, I meant "sense" and insert a "to" up there as well. That's what I get for posting comments while bereft over the loss of my favorite pen.