A Little Bit Of Something

I feel sick today. It came on on Saturday night (scratchy throat) and has bloomed into an overall body ache and lassitude and the feeling that everything is fucked up and I just want to crawl between the bedcovers and sleep (sweet harlot of the senses, Delilah of the mind).

So here I am at D'lish, answering emails, editing stuff and just feeling crummy.

I finished George Orwell's essays and As I Lay Dying and Snowflake in My Hand. Have started on James Frey's My Friend Leonard (the sequel to A Million Little Pieces) which is poetic, but not designed to make me feel better. I have also started on a book of essays by Ursula Le Guin which I find quite fascinating. I'm passing on Orwell's essays to Mary Z cos she was intrigued when I talked about them.

I hung out with her and Vijay on Saturday. We sat at Devi's Corner (Bangsar) and discoursed on the lack of discourse in our society. Vij is going back to Bangalore in May and he said he would be getting us really good Indian movies or films (like Malgudi Days, woo hoo!). We discussed Gandhi (Mary just watched the movie again) and Partition and Hey Ram! and all in all it was very edifying. We talked about Othello (I still haven't read the play altho I know how it ends, having watched two versions of Desdemona's murder in Stage Beauty, which is one my favourite movies, like ever!).

I have been watching hours and hours of Twin Peaks. I usually have to watch something else after because as quirky as Twin Peaks is, it's depressing. Everyone is so impossibly beautiful (Agent Cooper, oh my). And the themes. Well, let's not go there.

Last week seemed to be a week of healing. I went for yoga class and musical healing (where you lie down on a yoga mat and this guy plays ragas on an Indian flute that is supposed to stimulate particular chakras) and I had no less than five dikshas from good friend who went to India, enrolled in an ashram for 21 days for an intense course and has come out somewhat changed and able to bless.

I woke up on Saturday feeling surprisingly good. For the first time, I was not a mass of raw nerve endings and I didn't feel the need for alcoholic oblivion. (I think Lent and the enforced abstinence has been very good for me).

So it was quite ironic that come evening, my throat starts to feel scratchy and it's like hello, what do we have here? And that I'm feeling like this today.