The first thing you learn about desperation is that you have no time for courtesies. Unless said courtesies will achieve the desired end. If not, you throw it all out of the window, because all your energies are concentrated on this huge blazing need.
To survive.
The second thing you learn about desperation is that you have no time for gratitude. As the people who have done you a good turn tot things up in their unofficial scorebooks, you turn your back on them, ignore them, and walk (or crawl) away, grasping earth, grasping grass, grasping anything that will keep you from falling away.
Your threatened non-existence.
Your rise and fall.
They, the undesperate ones, the polite, charming, thank you-saying, nodding, smiling gnomes, they will judge you, call you names.
But you heed them not.
Because the third thing you learn about desperation is that your reputation doesn't mean a damn thing. To hell with what they think. If you could, you would smash each smug visage with your bare fists. Pound them into blood and dust.
Desperation makes you angry.
It makes you fight.
It makes you destroy.
It makes you annihilate.
You drop the child you were carrying and let them find their own way to die.
You fight your mother for her last drop of water.
You sink your teeth into the wild dog fighting for that last piece of bread.
And if you're ruthless enough, you survive.
Even if you're standing in field of corpses.
Even if you made some of the corpses yourself.
Even if the ones you used to love the most are among the corpses.
If you're desperate enough, you survive.
4 comments:
In desperation, we can always find hope.
And the reassurance that no matter what.
Everything will change.
Maybe not for the better all the time but still, we can find comfort in the fact that this existence is but a mere phase.
We survive because we set our hearts for the prize, that is, eternity.
Just sharing my two cents from a diff perspective :)
Needless to say, this post is compelling, disturbing. It's almost like a series of lines from the movie, The Fight Club :)
I was trying to get into the head of someone I know who has gradually abandoned the things normal people get along with as her situation has turned increasingly desperate.
How to look with compassion when you're angry? How to empathise when you feel used?
How not to?
I agree. No wonder it had that Fight Club feel to it! Great job of trying to get into that desperate person's head.
I will be praying for her though...
You're an angel.
Seriously!
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