Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Free

So here I am, slightly tipsy after a night out, and you look at your calendar and say, yeah, it figures, it's Monday. But get this. I'm not tipsy from a visit to Backyard.

The last time I visited Backyard was...um...like last week with my Auntie Ann and Mark wasn't playing. Of course, if I'd known he wouldn't be playing, I wouldn't have gone. As it is though, we had a blast. The band was really good and they played really cool songs. Auntie Ann, was telling me how she hadn't been to a pub in the longest time (like more than a decade) and funnily enough she kept bumping into people she knew there. (That's what I love about Backyard. It's kind of like Cheers. Not everybody but enough people know your name to make it homey). Anyways all the people she knew were from her church. So they raised their eyebrows a bit, because she's all but saintly. (But as I said, we had a blast).

Today I was at Alexis. There was wine, there was chocolate cake, a jazz band and a group of really interesting people. I asked Omar if he'd go to Backyard. He kind of brushed over that, didn't register or whatnot, because my dear Omar is kind of Vere de Vere, and we ended up at Alexis instead - I couldn't believe this was the Monday night crowd. It was simply packed. The band was very very good...and sometimes, I could even hear myself speak.

And funnily enough I managed to make a few new friends. Who'd have thought, hey?

I had Omar all to myself at dinner (which included sake...banzai people!) and we didn't gossip, so much as exchange anecdotes, catch up, and just have a really good time. He's looking about 10 years younger. But then, I always thought he was/is cute.

There are a few contacts who turn into friends and stay with you over the years whether you're an editor of some business magazine or not. Your importance lies in yourself. Not your position. I've met enough of the opposite to really, really appreciate these people.

The week that was...was busy. I have been flinging myself into projects, writing articles (one about doggies came out yesterday) and generally keeping myself busy.

I've come to realise that my pet aversion are the people who cannot understand that I would prefer to be a freelancer, not tied down to any place, not having to answer to anybody. They come forward with job offers, fancy titles, and money...and the thing is, they expect me to fall.

I wonder at this. Of course money is important. There's lots of stuff I want to buy. But I'd rather earn it in a way that makes me happy. I was so miserable in my last job. My health broke down, my peace of mind was all but shattered, when I walked out of it, I remember a few bad nights, where I tossed, turned, talked in my sleep, and ran a fever.

I never want to go back to that again.

Ever.

And there was a meeting on Thursday with someone offering me just that.

I wonder at people sometimes.

I guess we all walk around with blinkers and convince ourselves that what we want wants us back. I know I do.

But I'm working on getting rid of said blinkers. The truth is painful but it sets you free. And that's how I want to be.

Free.

3 comments:

Tudor Rose said...

I admire the fact that not only do you know what you need to do to feel free, you aren't afraid to go after that, despite what everyone else make think. That takes courage, I think.

John Calica said...

Most people would call you crazy for not wanting the title and everything but I say that's really how it should be! I just quit my job a few weeks ago and will be moving back to my old company tackling a smaller role (title and scope-wise, at least) so I can do other things, like study. I hope that by taking a step back, I'll be able to jump two steps straight to my destiny - a job at the United Nations! May the good Lord bless me :)

Jenn said...

TR: It takes even more courage to work in a prison and to roller blade and to stand in front of an audience and ACT!

John: I'm glad you're stepping back and pursuing the dream. More power to you. Lucid dreaming's the best kind there is.