Eat, Pray, Love

I am two thirds through this book by Liz Gilbert and absolutely love it. Although I don't think I'll be taking off for an ashram in India anytime soon (I've been invited and I said no, and I'll keep saying no because the notion irritates me for some peculiar reason) I do realise I need space for quiet and solitude in my life. And maybe a sense of transcendence.

Everything is so fucking noisy and I seem to be constantly trying to distract myself without even knowing that I'm doing it. There are books heaped by the side of the bed, higgledy-piggledy, all anyhow, there is the music constantly blaring in my ears, there are conversations about conversations which don't really lead anywhere, there is the constant pageant of absurdity going on around me.

I think I may be afraid of silence. I think if I fell silent, the hurt would come to the surface. And once more, I wouldn't be able to breathe.

Yesterday I wandered around feeling slightly hungover and out of it. I hadn't had a drink for more than a week, so go figure. And this existential, free-floating pain kept wrenching my innards and I wondered. Why? Who? What? Where? How?

My friend Vij called and we hung out. Went to a bookshop and got a passel of books. As I couldn't wait to get started on one of them (guess which one) I insisted that he bring one of his newly-acquired books to dinner. He did. So we had Japanese and read our respective books, something I've only been able to do with my sister Jackie, the rest of humanity considering such behaviour anti-social and offensive.

Then I hung out with two friends at Devi's.

One of them regaled us with a tale of this truly romantic proposal. Seems this 24-year old guy in advertising had taken out a billboard to ask his girlfriend to marry him. In the picture, he proferred a RM14,000 diamond ring with the words, Kelly XXX will you marry me? The whole enterprise cost him a cool RM54,000.

When he drove past the billboard in question, he asked her to check it out and she was stunned into 10 minutes of total silence. Of course she said yes.

What was most interesting about this story was how we, three women in their mid-30s, reacted to it.

Me (choking in disgust): How was she supposed to say no after that? When the stupid guy had splurged so much money. I mean, I felt too guilty to say no when my stupid boyfriend proferred a thousand dollar ring, what more her!

Friend One: Yeah, and she's only 22. My God, wait a while lar.

Friend Two: It's stupid. If he was going to spend so much money on me, I would frankly, have preferred a cheque.

Me: Or a holiday. I mean, like a nice holiday somewhere. RM54,000 could go a long way to making it a really nice holiday.

All three of us looked at each other.

Me: Hmmm....is it just me, or do we seem a little cynical?

Friend One: Not cynical. Realistic. Stupid fler. But he must be loaded, so whatever lar.