I didn't take pills or knock-out cough mixture to fall asleep last night. Which means I didn't fall asleep. I thought I would read myself to sleep, a memoir by Colette Rossant which was on my bedside table. Instead I found myself finishing the book in the wee hours of the morning still not dropping off.
When you get used to chemical help you get used to chemical help.
Then I had a dream where I had to explain to a rather annoying colleague my failure as a journalist. She was mocking and I was defensive. It was all very strange. And Britney Spears appeared and kept trying to make a comeback. She did a terrible version of all Madonna's videos and I felt vaguely sorry for her. There was such pain and desperation in her eyes.
And I woke up late for work. And I'm still at home which means I need to get off my keister and go.
But I feel so tired.
You know what you feel like when you lose your best friend? Pills have become that for me. Comforting and sleep-inducing and under their lambent influence I can disappear into total oblivion and forget I'm me for a while.
And since it's always today, a while is all I've got.
4 comments:
Britney's vacant expression was probably not a dream. Poor girl.
Have you tried a warm bath before sleeping? Or getting a nice spa massage? (I know I always fall asleep...maybe it's also those meditation bells)
Some therapist told me years ago that when I couldn't sleep, I should get up and iron or something. Not just stay there thinking I might fall asleep. Of course, I've never followed that advice. I am probably sleep deprived on any given day - and long term, it may make a difference - but I'm so used to it that it is my norm now.
Marge: You know, I feel sorry for that girl. To have the whole world seemingly in on your downfall, laughing at you, it's enough to drive anyone schizo!
Jackie: Probably just thinking of ironing would give me the ZZZZZZs...:)
Valerian Root works well for me. It's a natural muscle relaxant and makes me drowsy.
I was really upset when they took Tryptophan off the marked because that was the best. It's the amino acid in milk and turkey that makes you sleepy and it's great. So a few people died. I didn't. I hear they are thinking about approving it again.
There's another amino acid but I can't think of the name right now. I don't take that one because it increases my vivid dreams and I wake up physically tired but other people like it. When my old brain remembers I'll let you know.
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