Thursday, June 01, 2006

Like Rain On a Rainy Day

I have front row seats to a divorce. I'm witnessing the dissolution of a marriage that never seemed real in the first place. She sends me the emails they exchange, now he is in New Zealand. Guarded at first, then increasingly acrimonious.

I guess divorce can never be civilized. But does it have to be this ugly? Words spoken in the heat of the moment, resisted at first, but which later return to haunt; another piece of shrapnel.

Angry words. Hard words. Bitter words.

Tearing away at the flimsy foundations of their lives together. A marriage in which one or both partners constantly needed to escape. A marriage in which there was physical proximity but little intimacy.

Tension. Always high.

What a life! Shades of the prison-house closing around the growing girl. Marriage prescribed as a necessity, not a choice. Everybody MUST be with somebody - respectably partnered. Only losers live alone. Old maids. Disgrace. Shame on the family.

Really?

So, was he cunning, evil, conniving, just along for the free meal ticket?

And was she foolish, extravagant, emotionally needy, domineering, physically repulsive, gluttonous?

Why does she send me these conversations? What point of view could I possibly provide that would change anything?

Tell her she's in the right? Be supportive?

I can't. I'm not sure anymore. This drains me. Stop it! Stop sending me these stupid letters. I will delete them. And then, delete you. You have no right. None.

Burn the letters! Destroy the diaries! Delete the emails!

Leave no trace.

5 comments:

part-time buddha said...

Wow. I think I'd rather have front-row seat to the apocalypse.

goldennib said...

It sounds like you are stuck as an observer in a train wreck, with no possible way to help. It's horrible when someone tries to force that on you.

A thinker said...

wow, that's really sad.

people can be so incredibly destructive of one another. tearing each other apart when they should love.

very sad.

furyouhin said...

In a divorce, the money and property aren't the only things that get divided. The friends get divvied up, too. In her way, clumsily and painfully and counter-productively, she's trying to make sure you stay with her.

Jenn said...

PTB: I know. I feel slimed by association.

Nessa: Yes. I guess I should have deleted the emails right off. Without reading them.

A thinker: Love turned inside out. Hate. What gets to me is much of what has been said is unforgivable. And will live on for years and years and years. After bones have turned to dust.

Furyouhin: Welcome. I guess so. But it is so incredibly difficult to read this stuff and keep respecting the person. I know him. He was my friend too.