The Churning

The thing to remember about Lisa is that she is not that type of girl. She has never gone up to a man she likes and asked him out. Even for a coffee. Usually she just gets this churning in her solar plexus that intensifies everytime he walks by. Once she almost fell over and had to go out for air. (God, how I wish I was kidding)

"Ask Ryan out, what's the worst that could happen?"

"He could say yes!'

"Come on! You're being facetious."

(We're both writing students. So we do use five dollar-words like facetious. Really!)

"No, really I'm not. If he agreed to go out with me, I'd spend all that time worrying about what I was going to say and how I was supposed to behave and even if it went really, really well, I'd worry about whether he actually likes me or if he is just being kind..."

"Chill sister, it's only a coffee. Look, I asked Charles out and he said yes. I had lunch with him and somehow that helped me to get to the other side. I am now officially over him."

Lisa reels for a moment. "You asked Charles out? On a date?????"

Let me explain her amazement. Charles is our lecturer. He is 60. We both think he's great, with a difference. Lisa thinks he's a nice (well actually, nice would be stretching it, maybe interesting?) guy while I am (actually, was) desperately in love with him.

"Well, it wasn't really a date. I mean, I am leaving after this semester and I asked if I could meet him for lunch once during the break. He said yes. So we had lunch. I asked him all the questions I wanted to and he answered. He was sweet but somehow it broke the spell. The churning in the pit of my stomach - that's gone."

Lisa looks terrified. She knows she is allowing herself to be talked into this crazy idea. But how can she go up to this guy she barely knows (but has a huge crush on, nonetheless) and ask him out?

Fast forward one day: We have both just come out of the theatre. It was a student performance of King Lear. Ryan played Edgar and we are both very impressed. He comes out from the actor's exit in jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt, nods at us, smiling, and prepares to leave.

Lisa asks: "Um Ryan, can I talk to you?"

"Sure."

I turn away. This is a private moment and I don't want to look. It's cold outside and I clutch my shawl around me, wondering how it is going. Oh God, what if he says no? Will she be OK? She really really likes this guy. I have never seen her act this way about anybody. Of course, I've only known her for a year or so.

Lisa joins me about five minutes later and I scan her face anxiously. She is smiling.

"Well?"

"No go. He has a girlfriend. I mean, he said yes to coffee but when I found out about the girlfriend, I begged off."

"Oh dear. I'm sorry. How do you feel?"

"Surprisingly good, actually. Like this weight has been lifted off. The churning's gone."

Yes. She felt the fear and did it anyway.

And that, as they say in Hollywood, is that.