In one life

 ...how many times can a heart break?

I guess I am both sad and weary of life. All this pain. My little creatures gather around me wrapped in their own pain at what has happened. I see it in their eyes. They see it in mine.

I am so tired.

So tired.

So I will do what I did before, and make lists and get through the day, doing what I need to do to tick off those lists.

Nothing makes sense and right now, I don't see a way forward.

So I will keep trudging in the dark, illuminating the few steps ahead with the faint light of my phone. Hoping I do not stumble, but it's OK, if I stumble, if I fall, I can always right myself or pick myself up and move on.

I am only 50.

My 40s were all about the walls closing in as my life became smaller and smaller.

What do I do now?