Blame

When the stormy winds cease and the water settles, the sediment sinks to the bottom. And I can see clearly, all the shit that I keep inside. All the vitriol I carry in my belly.

I hear myself say things, sound off, excoriate, and wonder...did I really say all that? Did I think it was OK to say all that? Did I think it was forgivable?

Usually the waters are turbulent, cloudy and I can't see past the air in front of me. I walk around in a daze. Words running on that same old treadmill in my mind. I do the wrong kind of recycling.

But when I get away from it all for a prolonged period, I start to see, I start to be aware...

I'm so sorry for so many things. Anything I condemmed in anyone else, was a matter of logs and specks. And I feel the guilt twist my insides until I can't breathe.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm not ready to re-emerge