Friday, August 03, 2007

A Tired Sort of Waiting

It's quiet all around me. A hush, a trembling of air, a mistake, a disaster.

I can't seem to catch my breath. I made a mistake, a huge mistake, borne aloft on the wings of arrogance. And today, there is the sour stench of disappointment all around.

I feel slightly hungover (you try drinking a whole bottle of wine, on a stomach filled with nothing but a few nuts and see how you feel the next day) and slightly out of joint. I have got to shake myself out of this. This quicksand, so easy to sink into, so easy to lie down and let gravity do the rest, but where is the fight, where is the impact, where is the anything?

I think if we fail to imagine better tomorrows, the tomorrows can come along and bite us in the butt with their lack of spectacularity. I thought I drank myself out yesterday and first thing this morning, I am craving another drink.

Could this be a start of something wonderful?

Like alcoholism?

What an easy answer to life's troubles...oblivion and then feeling like you want to throw up. A purge, a cleansing, so to speak. Solving nothing and with a headache thrown in for free.

It seems like everyone is mad at me today, and no one is talking to me. But maybe I am just imagining that, projecting my own dark thoughts onto the world around me.

WHERE ARE YOU?????

11 comments:

lemontree said...

hey jenn

hope the feeling shakes off

and the better part of the bargain is that when we imagine spectacular tomorrows and bright sunshine... that comes true too

please feel better

Jenn said...

hey Lemon...sorry I missed you when you were in KL. And thanks...

roving reporter said...

Did you get the pic?

roving reporter said...

Yello is the colour of sun rays

hot coffee girl said...

Ah. I know of those ass-biting tomorrows. Bastards.

Hang in there. You are not going to become an alcoholic any more than you are alone...it's just imagined.

And you have a lovely imagination. We see it all the time. Just remember to use those powers for good and not evil. I don't want to have to go back to bumping into you in the Dark. We spent enough time there.

You will get through this. I know of what I speak, love.

goldennib said...

When I get home I am going to email you a list of herbs in a product I found that helped lift my mood recently. The herbs may be better than alcohol, although a good bender every once in a while is called for.

I'm not mad at you. I love you and want you around. You are a beauty in the world I can no longer do with out.

Perspective Inc said...

Just gotta hang in there...

Marge said...

Click on the play button. Listen. Smile.

http://perezhilton.com/?p=2889

Jenn said...

RR: Yellow is the colour of sun ray? I got the pix. The Big M is v. cute. And you look like a chatamnbi.

HCG: Was that you I bumped into last night? Wine doesn't seem to cut it, Kels... I wasted a whole glass - Chilean.

Nessa: Haha....thanks Ness. It's nice to know someone isn't.

Perspective: By a thread.

Marge: The song is perfect. I've listened to it 54 times and counting. It's my new favourite. Wish I could get it in Malaysia.

Jackie said...

Hope you feel better now, little girl. And alcohol is NEVER the solution. You'll learn that, Jenn.

Jenn said...

I already learned it nearly 20 years ago...but being me, I have to keep relearning it....