Saturday, August 04, 2007

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold...

She was as fragile as a beefy red-faced man with beer on his breath and tattooes all over his trunk. As fragile as a vagrant at the end of his life, staring down the dregs of his toddy bottle. As fragile as a shard of shattered crystal.

She lifted me up into spaces I wanted to travel. I needed some life in my arms but what she gave me, what she gave me, what she gave me...

Sometimes I flap my arms like a hummingbird
Just to remind myself I'll never fly.
Sometimes I burn my arms with cigarettes
Just to pretend I won't scream when I die.

And now she sits huddled in space. And I sit huddled in time. And we sit together and dream of what it feels like to be drunk by noon. To never feel the sun whipping through our hair. Or the wind scorching our faces. To never feel starlight glint on the waters.

If my life was as long as the moon's,
I'd still be jealous of the sun.
If my life lasted only one day,
I'd still be drunk by noon.

Crimson is the tide in my veins. It surges and ebbs and I want something I cannot have. I want something, something, something that I grow so big I disappear into a great steaming mass of longing.

Nobody sees the shadow in the mirror.

Nobody sees the people draw skeletons in the sand.

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?


goldennib said...

I think the most painful thing I have ever experienced is wanting, needing, craving, someone I could not have. Later, after time and distance, I couldn't figure out why all of the agony, but at the time, death would have been better.

Your post reminded me of that horrible pain.

Jenn said...

Wow. That's amazing. You actually got it.

stefany said...

Just came across your blog. Love this piece, could cry from it.

stefany said...

And you sound like mine.
(kinda girl that is..)

Jenn said...

Stefany, thank you and as you can see, I've added you to my blogroll...