Some People

Have you ever met anyone who attracts and repels you simultaneously? Meeting them, you want to remain silent (so he can suspect you're a fool, but you don't open your mouth to remove all doubt) and you want to babble incoherently and you just want to get the fuck out of there. Or maybe that's just me.

He called me to come in for a meeting, the one senior vice president of this company I'm doing work for, that I had never met, but heard of. In fact heard so much of that I really, really didn't want to meet him at all.

But he got his HR manager to call. And say come in. We want to talk business. So I went. Apprehensive as hell. The others, who are sweeties and very good buddies of mine, had let me know he was a little, um, how do you say, difficult? Hard-headed, masterful, strong.

They forgot to mention that he was also incredibly handsome.

So I sat in the meeting room, reading an essay by Jeanette Winterson because I always have a book to tide me over these interminable waiting periods. But the words were jumping all around, tying themselves into slipknots, a noose, a noose, what's with the capital punishment imagery?

Anyway, there were the footsteps, and in he came. We looked at each other. And I wished I was somewhere else.

He sat down, fixed me with a penetrating look and asked whether I used to cover this company in my days as a reporter. Yes, I said. Were you kind to us? So, he didn't even know who I was. Cos that was a stupid question. Very stupid.

Probably the kindest any reporter has been, before or since, I replied.

Right, he nodded. He talked about the industry. Gave his opinions so decidedly. Would brook no opposition. If you opposed, it's only because you were stupid. Too dumb to understand. To know what's what.

Eyes narrowed, he judged everything I said.

I returned the favour. Everything. All words falling carelessly from lips caught in that vice-like net, to be gone over, evaluated, rated.

I stumbled and fell. Put my foot in my mouth, trying to express an idea.

Eyes narrowed, he judged. Lips curled in a sneer. I wanted to sink through the floor. Oh God, why did I have to say that? Why does he make me so nervous. I said once that I found it easy to like people. I was wrong.

He introduced me to someone to facilitate the work I would have to do, and drifted off without bothering to say goodbye.

I went home after and felt horrible for the rest of the day. And if you asked me why, I wouldn't have been able to tell you.

I am extremely attracted to him. And I never want to see him again.