The Rest Of My Life

Sometimes it is just a matter of getting over it. Retentive feelings are all very well for Anne Elliot and with her, they worked. If they hadn't she would have died alone. Sad and brokenhearted and half a person.

But tomorrows have been surprising me. I found that no matter how difficult, it is always possible to get through today. If you focus on just getting through this moment, this minute, the next five minutes, suddenly it's tomorrow.

And tomorrows can be surprising.

For years now, birthdays have been something to endure and get through.

This year, the year I turned 40, it was special. It was a conglomeration of things - the people, the presents, the effort behind it, the food. My sister Jackie coming here and doing her best. Also Simon. Also Ivan. Even Julie whom I no longer speak to, staying back in KL and taking care of the dogs.

Arnold is sick again. That wound by the side of his head acting up. She's taking him to the vet.

I've never fought for anything worth fighting for. I've never achieved anything I can look back and be proud of. And I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to work towards something, build something, be proud of something.

That's my wish.

For this year. And the rest of my life.