Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Editing

Don't think sorry's easily said
Don't try turning tables instead
You've taken lots of Chances before
But I'm not gonna give anymore
Don't ask me
That's how it goes
Cause part of me knows what you're thinkin'


I write a letter in a passion. Excoriating words pour out, the kind which, if sent would mean the end for sure. I continue to type, heart pounding and then take a deep breath.

Time to edit.

But I don't want to. I want to send it as is. And to hell with consequences.

Yes, I know. But time to edit.

But she so deserves this. In fact, she deserves worse. I want it to sting. I want it to fester. I want it to grow out of control. Anger, chaos, disorder bloody disorder!

Yes, now time to edit.

Oh go to hell! I tell you I want to say these things. What's it to you?

You have said these things. It's out of your system. Now, time to edit.

Since when have you started looking over my shoulder and editing what I have to say, huh?

You're angry. I understand. But you don't write such things to friends. Even former friends. It's time to edit. You'll thank me later. Or better still, why don't you leave it for now. Come back later.

The words have been pulsing through my mind the whole day. Let's not forget the hysterical drama queen text followed by the vomit-inducing email in baby talk. The words have been building in my head. Vesuvius is about to erupt. Better still, Eyjafjallajökull.

Breathe in. Breathe out. If you were to send this email, you'd feel an angry satisfaction at first. But then, you'd feel worse. You know you would. Stop fighting me on this.

Yes. I would feel worse. I guess. So what do I do? Go back to the cold and deathly silence?

No. It's time to edit. Instead of "complete and utter bullshit", let's try "not true". And paras three, four, five are not necessary. You've say whatever you need to say in the first two. Incising the emo words... There, much better.

Yeah, bland is the new interesting. OK, whatever.

Click send.

Don't say words you're gonna regret
Don't let the fire rush to your head
I've heard the accusation before
And I ain't gonna take any more
Believe me
The sun in your Eyes
Made some of the lies worth believing

3 comments:

Tudor Rose said...

No substantial comment, just that I absolutely love this.

Jenn said...

Au contraire mon amie. That's about as substantial as it gets. Thank you.

Jenn said...

I'm glad I didn't send the first email. After getting the reply, looks like I overreacted big time.

I should stop fighting with people in my head.