Thursday, January 10, 2008

Joy in the Morning

I finished the speech. I got an SMS from my boss last night asking for it and it was one in the morning and I was already pickled on two brandies and no food. So I asked if I could send it this morning.

He said OK.

He sounded stern.

I think he was disappointed in me. I'm the one who writes a speech in half an hour. Usually. But there was this writer's block to contend with (why do writers have to be such fucking prima donnas? Why can't they just deliver on demand?) and much as I wanted to, I couldn't write a single word.

Not one.

Troubled dreams, words swimming in and out - what to say, what to say, what to say that hasn't been said before?

This morning, I made my way to D'lish to write. Words pouring out because I had no choice. Fingers flying over a quiet keyboard. The speech took shape.

Re-reading and wondering...is this enough, does it say what it has to?

I don't know.

Performance anxiety cripples me. In my last year at uni, I would get physically ill doing my assignments. By then my lecturers had soaring expectations. The higher their expectations, the more like crap I felt. I was so afraid they would discover that I was really not worth that much after all.

Then the boss SMS-ed me back:

"Read it! This is the best one!"

5 comments:

Nessa said...

Would it be better if I didn't tell you I like what you write?

I am nothing, if not giving. I'm special that way; D

Jenn said...

Haha, you're not just special - you're a dream Nessa girl!

Hrishikesh B said...

Sigh! I knew you were a genius right when I spoke to you :) Hope all is well in the new year?

stefany said...

Miss you Jenn. Sorry I am so far, far, away these days. I will return. I hope you had a great New Years too and I look forward to be a better blogger and friend than I have been in the last 2 months!
XO! You brilliant woman!!
Love, Stef

Jenn said...

Hrish: That's sweet. But I am so far from being a genius it is not funny. In fact, I'm skating on thin, thin ice here...

Stef: Miss you too. Great to have you back.