Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Where's the truth, y'all?

Strange times.

Tuesday, a meeting. The boss runs through a white paper with ticks. Here, satisfactory, there, superb, there, needs work. Tick, tick, tick.

He lifts eyes from paper and smiles.

"I'm recommending you for confirmation."

My heart plunges into my stomach and I stare back through hollow eyes.

That's the reason why some times I'm feeling under,
That's the reason why some times I'm feeling down...

"Do you have any comments?"

I stare back with hollow eyes.

"Is there any way I can do this, freelance?"

"No. Not for your position. What's the matter, aren't you happy here?"

Pause. Silence. Deep breath.

"No. I'm miserable."


Where is the love, the love, the love?

"You feel tied down?"

"I feel tied down."

The truth is kept secret, swept under the rug, if you never know truth, you never know love...

"You don't have to stay in the office you know...as long as you do the work, we don't mind where you are..."

And I'm off to San Fran Best Coffee. I sit in cafes and read Lord of the Rings.

I want to feel...

Wednesday morning. 4am. Dadda shouts, Jenny is that you. It wasn't. I open the door and see our front door open, our front gate open. They broke in (or rather they fished our keys from the coffee table, let themselves in, and ransacked Julie's room. Dadda woke up to see a hand moving through the window of his room, feeling for stuff, took his mobile, two watches)

And we're shivering, the door open, the guy's got Julie's keys, he kept the keys, and ran. The police find the pole with the hook outside. The pole they used to fish for the keys.

We stay home.


Sunday, another dead rat. This time under the sofa. A dead rat without maggots.

Strange times.

And today I was at a shooting. No, not that kind. A reality TV show. I never knew just how contrived it was.

"Your reactions are not strong enough. Let's take that again. Another take. Another take. Another take. One more for safety."

Where's the love y'all? (I don't know!)
Where's the truth, y'all? (I don't know!)

After that, Starbucks. A cappuccino. A laptop.

Talk to me. I'll type. We need to get this article out. We need to get it out of the way.

So much more to do, so much more to do.

But weird times. No man's land. Between here and here.

Reality slipping away.

A meeting.

Maybe not.

A meeting.

Maybe not.

I slip away.


goldennib said...

I feel your despair. I'm miserable, too. I'm trying not to be, because I feel guilty, but I am. Where's the passion. I want to feel excited about something. I need more for my soul.

Can you secure your house? That is so strange.

As always I can picture it all so easily.

Hey, Andy posted again. Go look.

that girl in pink said...


Grey Shades said...

Burglary???? Hope you are doing ok lady!!! And sometimes life jus seems to be spinning out of control with you knowing it but not being able to do anything abt it...

Jackie said...

Wow, Jenn. Sounds like you are on overload. And then the violation on top of everything else. Try to take care of yourself and just hang on - this too, shall pass.

Lakeside Ling said...

i love your blog, as always. hang in there.

Andy said...


From one player to another, may I make a suggestion? WoW is frying my brain. Could it be that LoTR is doing the same to you? It's something perhaps only the two of us would understand. How do you say, how do other people say, "It's only a game"? "Remember, it's just for fun!"?

We spend hours each day doing these things with other people. How can tight bonds not form? How can our moods not be affected by our participation?

WoW is peeling away reality for me, and it frightens me a little. Is LoTR doing the same for you?

And, hey, if you think we're both still cool, then why don't you visit me in Azeroth and I'll show you around?? lol. I'll return the favor and come see Middle Earth.