Wednesday, January 17, 2007

She has no friends

I wonder about that girl, sometimes. All persona, no personality. She is the outer crust of nothing. She laughs gaily.

Do you wanna hear, do you wanna hear, do you know what happened to me the other day?

They turn away.

The impressive words, straight from Wuthering Heights (which is, like, her favourite novel, like, ever!) dissolve in her throat.

They turn away.

Look at me, look at me. You know that story I did. Award-winning journalist. Yes, me. I'm talking about me. Listen to me, listen to me. I'm better than you. I'm better than all of you. I have the right background. I studied in London. Law. So refined. I know which knife to use when. I know how to fold my napkin. One night stand with Bon Jovi. Really! Look at me, look at me! Dammit, I said LOOK AT ME!

They turn away.

You see, she has no friends.

She sits in her corner and surveys the hostile surroundings. Tries to maintain authority. Tries to say, you do what I tell you to do. I'm the senior. I'm the boss. Look at my brass badge. It says, I'm the boss. Technically. Sort of. Really. Listen to me!

But she can't. Nobody will take it. Not anymore. Too many toes stepped on. Too many lines crossed. Only so many bridges you can burn.

She has no friends.

Such a good mother that she made her kids sick. (If you spray disinfectant over everything, your kids may get sicker than if you let them muck about in a few healthy germs)

Overprotective? Tick.

Smothering? Tick.

Toxic? Tick.

She has no friends.

She sits in a corner working on stories, pretending to herself (because there's no one else to pretend to) that she's on top of her game. That she's great. That the only reason they don't like her is cos they're jealous. And the only reason she doesn't get invited to weddings is cos they're rude. What about etiquette eh? What about protocol? What about common decency? You invite everyone and you don't invite me? She's too good for them anyway.

So she has no friends.

I was thinking about her last night after the phone call. I was thinking Praby, that it must be a lonely life.

A very lonely life.

Because, you see, she has no friends.


Robert said...

This is a very haunting type post. very good because it draws you in by your compelling style, haunting because you so evoke the inner pain and loneliness of the character you describe. Why is it the darker emotions seem to bring forth the best expressions??? Glad i discovered you via a thinker jenn looks like you have quite a splendid hodgepodge on your lil piece of blogland :)

Jenn said...

Hello Robert! Welcome to my blog. I donno about the darker emotions bringing forth the best expressions...I guess it's only for us dark types, who brood on these things. You ever read that CS Lewis book Perelandra? It said evil was boring, repetitive, privative.I kinda know what he means.

I like the word hodgepodge. Especially since I have such a down on consistency.

lakeside ling said...

wow. great one. sorry i've been gone for so long. i have had to make a lot of difficult decisions lately.

it's so easy to fall into the lack of friends though. loneliness is many times self-imposed.

dandelion said...

Jenn...this hurts...poor thing...

Jenn said...

Hey Ling! I can't believe you would be anything even close to this person. Not even close.

Prabs: Weird thing. I started writing from a sense of loathing, you know how I feel about her. And as it progressed, I started to feel sorry for her. I guess you can't do this sort of writing without ultimately empathising. And as you said, poor thing.

Jackie said...

Jenn, as usual, your writing style amazes me. You are so talented at evoking feelings with your words. I love to come here and read these. Thank you.

goldennib said...

You captured what to me is such a desperation to control the world. It is so sad for someone like this. You know she did it to herself but you can also see that she had almost no ability to stop it.

Beautiful writing as always. Good to have you back.

Jenn said...

Jackie: Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me.

Nessa: You'd think that after the first failure, they would retire in the corner and write their memoirs. But no. Thanks, Nessa.

QuillDancer said...

Jenn, you have a genius for manipulating emotions. This piece is haunting and sad.

Addy said...

One of your best posts ever, Jen. Really felt for Her, whoever she is. When do you get back to KL? Do let me know yah...wanna get everyone together and organise a game of Taboo at Vas' place. Ciao!

Jenn said...

Quilly: Would you believe that I never meant it to be? It sort of took over and turned out that way.

Addy: Hey girl! Would love to. Did you know that Eve is back and working at the Edge?