I have noticed that my knee-jerk reaction to anything is always wrong. It comes from years of negative conditioning and wrong-thinking. When something happens (or even when I imagine something happening) my chest tautens, my body tenses. I hold my breath for a while and fire starts rushing through my solar plexus. All ready, for the build-up, the eruption.
Then wham! The fire streaks out from me at any target within sight. I fight to kill. Nothing in-between. It's the way I've thought myself to think. As if nothing in-between is a good way to go. You don't have to tell me, I know. It sucks.
Lately, I've taken to pausing before each eruption. I allow myself to breathe. Then before I lacerate with words, something is tripped and I say, "knee jerk". As in "your knee-jerk" reaction is always wrong. Let's think about this before you open your big mouth and let everyone within the vicinity have it. Remember, knee-jerk!
Funny, but it seems to work. When people do something, say something or even look something that offends me, I find myself taking a second or two to react. That second or two is precious. Most time it cools me right down and allows me to gain some form of perspective.
Knee Jerk!
3 comments:
If I'm in the middle of something, I don't control my reactions well. I have to really concentrate on hiding what I really think. I tell myself, "Just be quiet. Don't say anything." Over and over.
I haven't forgotten our mini-book club. I just haven't had a chance to get past chapter one. Once I start reading something I'm interested in, I have a tendency to forget all else.
I'll settle in next week.
Knee Jerk didn't seem to work in Australia. Most times I caught myself getting irritated and snapping and regretting it afterwards. Wonder why that was. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.
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