Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Knee Jerk

I have noticed that my knee-jerk reaction to anything is always wrong. It comes from years of negative conditioning and wrong-thinking. When something happens (or even when I imagine something happening) my chest tautens, my body tenses. I hold my breath for a while and fire starts rushing through my solar plexus. All ready, for the build-up, the eruption.

Then wham! The fire streaks out from me at any target within sight. I fight to kill. Nothing in-between. It's the way I've thought myself to think. As if nothing in-between is a good way to go. You don't have to tell me, I know. It sucks.

Lately, I've taken to pausing before each eruption. I allow myself to breathe. Then before I lacerate with words, something is tripped and I say, "knee jerk". As in "your knee-jerk" reaction is always wrong. Let's think about this before you open your big mouth and let everyone within the vicinity have it. Remember, knee-jerk!

Funny, but it seems to work. When people do something, say something or even look something that offends me, I find myself taking a second or two to react. That second or two is precious. Most time it cools me right down and allows me to gain some form of perspective.

Knee Jerk!

4 comments:

gutterspace said...

I stick to the golden rule of counting till 10 and going through what i'm about to say in my head in similar situations. Needless to say, it has never failed me.

goldennib said...

If I'm in the middle of something, I don't control my reactions well. I have to really concentrate on hiding what I really think. I tell myself, "Just be quiet. Don't say anything." Over and over.

goldennib said...

I haven't forgotten our mini-book club. I just haven't had a chance to get past chapter one. Once I start reading something I'm interested in, I have a tendency to forget all else.

I'll settle in next week.

Jenn said...

Knee Jerk didn't seem to work in Australia. Most times I caught myself getting irritated and snapping and regretting it afterwards. Wonder why that was. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.