There seems to be a theme over my last few blogposts. This incessant feeling of exhaustion. I need to do an audit to see how much of that is from actual work and how much of it is emotion - living up or at least, attempting to live up to other people's expectations, not wanting to offend people, not wanting to be thought a bad friend.
There were times this year when I should have said an emphatic 'no' basically because I was too tired or I had other work to do, important work to do. Instead I agreed, albeit reluctantly, and then felt exhausted and then fell terribly sick. There is a pattern here...it is not selfish to not meet expectations. I have to define for myself what selfish is or isn't.
If meeting your expectations means that I languish ill in bed for the next few days or work through the fever and the sneezing and the incessant coughing...then really, I shouldn't be meeting your expectations. And if you choose to take offence about that, then really, we shouldn't be friends, should we?
And cutting you out of my life would seem like a lightening, a removal of toxicity.
Switching off my phone this weekend was one of the best things I ever did.
Saying no to going to the BRC was another.
Later for you.
2 comments:
Getting sick seems to be the only legitimate way to get any rest.
Yeah but it is a sucky way. Way better to say no and stick to it. People hate it. They look at you funny. They start to whisper among themselves (or at least you imagine that they do). But just like you mute your phone, you mute their voices.
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