Calm Despair

I didn't abandon you, you know. You left. And if I didn't pester you, it was not because I didn't love you, but because I was tired. I had work to deal with. I had my own stuff. And I figured you would resurface when you ready to.

And you did. A picture of calm despair. To pay back the money you owed. The money I had forgotten you owed. The money you could have kept. You were tying up loose ends, it was clear to see. No you hadn't come to see me. I stood there in my towel, dripping wet, conditioner still in my hair and asked you to wait until I had washed it off and put on some clothes.

But no, you wouldn't.

I called after you. Asked if we could meet up sometime. You said to call you. But you switched off your phone. The prompt told me your number was "unavailable". So I sent you a text. You answered that. With words that told me...just how bad things were. You could no longer pretend, keep up appearances.

Everything was lost, everything dissolved, everything torn to shreds.

I know my love doesn't count.

But it's there.

And if we don't ever meet again, I want you to read this and know this.