Arnold can no longer hold it in. He peed in the on the floor, on the trolley as I wheeled him to the park and wheeled him back, in the park, back home of the floor again, and later on my car seat. Right now, I'm covered in his pee.
He had an acupuncture appointment today and she looked grave when I told her he had rejected his favourite food yesterday - the chicken rice chicken. Right now after his acupuncture, he's sleeping. I feel reluctant to wake him up but I do need to get him to the vet.
I have finished two stories and I just need to finish one more for the pullout.
I will have some tea, take a shower (or maybe take a shower first) and then haul him into the car for another visit.
Dr Suzy advised me not to get it done at the vet (if I have to get it done) but to ask if someone could come over to the house. There, in the quiet, surrounded by those who love him (mainly me), he can go peacefully. And not filled with trauma with people watching, at the vet's.
She said, be strong, be a man, do what you have to do.
I have to write stories. Make appointments. Figure out story trajectories. And put my dog to sleep.
The unravelling has begun
and the heart resounds
with the gentle sounds
of someone weeping
you go creeping into night
I watch you leave
and know I can't follow.
You were never mine
but I don't know
how to let you go.
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