Thursday, November 27, 2008

What Happens When This Too Passes

It doesn't feel like time is passing. It feels like I am behind plate glass watching it pass for other people, as I withdraw from this life, as I cease to be a participant, as I diminish into an observer.

I read voraciously now, maybe because reading is passive, it does not require a response to another person. Yes, other people. I don't want to deal with other people.

This is not normal behaviour, Jennifer...

I am aware of that. I could ask what normal is, and who defines the parameters, but I will spare you the cliches. (Haha, spare you the cliches, when every thought is no more than a cliche, hahahaha indeed!)

So maybe I have been losing my mind, my spirit, my centre of joy, my ability to interact with other humans and be part of the swirling, heaving masses, life in all its pathetic and heartbreaking guises. So maybe...

I no longer recognise the person in the mirror.

I have taken leave of my senses.

They wished me luck as they waved me goodbye.

I can't think of anything more dreary than eternal life.

4 comments:

john calica said...

Hang in there my friend. I am trying hard not to sound preachy here but yes, eternal life is indeed something to be desired but try to make it count while you're still here. I know you can. You let out that inner light, my friend.

You are in my prayers.

Jenn said...

You're always too sincere to sound preachy. Thanks.

NESSA said...

If two people share the same feelings, does that mean they are normal?

As always, you are so expressive.

I have felt this way for about a year now. I am sorry I have been away so long. It is hard to gather the energy for anything but the most required of behaviors.

I did receive your wonderful book. Your letter was the most one I have ever received and I have every intention of responding.

NESSA said...

The most beautiful letter.