They Dance Alone

I watch John Cusack movies and wonder what it is about him that rivets my soul. I am shaken, stirred and I can't explain it.

It's the aloneness despite the company, the profound sadness and the even more profound rage. Fingering a copy of Tenessee Wiliams' plays, talking about David Foster Wallace, trying to find some way out of this chaos and attrition.

You stop paying attention for 2 seconds and everything starts whirling into chaos...things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.

I stare at the screen and try to force myself to clear this story. It's not a bad story, in fact it's rather good. But my mind slams shut and my body turns away.

I am filling up with notness.

I am moving away from everyone.

I dance alone.