Sunday, February 28, 2010

Injured Muffin

I'm sitting on the white marble of the hall floor with Maggot who has his forelegs on a towel and his back legs and a large portion of his tummy on the floor. He is quiet for the moment. I have to sit with him to watch him. Elliot, the other dog, has torn up his nose and it seems to be getting worse.

I wasn't here in JB on Wednesday, or we could have taken him to the vet to get it sutured at once. When we arrived in JB and went to the vet yesterday, she exclaimed in horror at the nose, which had deteriorated (it is torn in half right down the middle and in other places too...his habit of sneezing, licking it, and scratching it with his front paw has made matters worse - much worse) and said infection had set in. She couldn't suture it. She gave us pills to bring down the infection, other pills for his sinuses and instructions to come back in a week when hopefully, the infection would have dried up and they can do reconstructive surgery.

This afternoon, I heard Ivan bellowing for me. The nose had started to bleed. That was the point that I decided to take Maggot into the house so I could watch him until we take him to the vet again, tomorrow. This state of affairs cannot go on. My doggie, who is a mass of dried wounds, legacy of another recent vicious fight, sits quietly beside me. He doesn't whine or complain about the pain. I know he doesn't like being inside the house (has tried to escape twice) but he is glad of the company.

My father is sleeping. Because of his recent illness, he is on powerful medication which makes him dizzy. So two sick puppies to take care of. Although I have to admit, since I've come to Johor, I have done precious little taking care of either.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Valentine's Day

I didn't end up watching Percy Jackson. I watched Valentine's Day instead, which I loved, although it still surprises me how big of a deal it is in the US. Speaking of which this year, I wrote out Valentine's Day cards and sent them to a bunch of people. Some, I even gave presents. I guess I was never made to be the Valentine grinch. When I get going I really love it.

And I'm not talking romance.

I remember reading What Katy Did when I was 14 and totally loving that whole Valentine's Day bit and resolving to do something similar. So, I wrote out anonymous rhymes for a bunch of friends signing off "St. Valentine". They knew it was me, of course, but it was still a whole lot of fun. I wrote an awful lot of rhymes when I was 14. Not that many at 15 and still less at 16, but there you go.

This year, the day itself came and went without any hubbub. I think I was asleep for most of it. But the cards and presents, now that was fun. And I met a friend for lunch today that I gave a whole lot of presents to, and when she asked me why, I, Valentine's Day I think. She was tickled pink.

And I've bought Julia Cameron's latest book, Finding Water: The Art of Perseverance which means I'll be doing Morning Pages, Artist Dates and Weekly Walks (Solvitur ambulando) for a bit. Maybe that will crank up and kickstart the old creativity machine.

Chug. A chug. A chug. A chug.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Usually I wake up at 4 in the afternoon. Today, I woke up at 4. So no change there. The city goes quiet for Chinese New Year. Except when the pesky neighbours decide to drum up the decibels with a dragon dance or illegal firecrackers. (Thank God Maggot and Elliot are not here, they would go crazy).

I can only say I have done nothing in this time.

Today, in a bid to do something, anything, I am going to Tropicana to watch Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.

So, whatever.

Later for you.

Monday, February 15, 2010


This heat beats on us in waves - it is everpresent, stifling, dizzying. The air is thirsty, barren and everywhere, people shrink into their air conditioned cars or deep into the hearts of their air conditioned buildings, in a bid to escape it all.

I, on the other hand, haven't left the house in three days. I wake up in the evening (I was watching the first season of Weeds until half past six this morning), have a bite to eat then wander around sleepy and dazed. I feel my face swelling and my body baking. I feel like all the heat is bleeding out of the cold cold North to burn us to a crisp.

I need to go out.

I need to shift this energy somehow.

This overpowering energy.


Sunday, February 14, 2010


At some point, I guess, this pain will get old and dusty and I'll hardly remember the names and faces of the sad occasion (but that's no consolation, here and now).

At some point, it will finally be over and I will not be recycling tired emotions, walking in circles in this thick dark maze, no flicker of light, no way out.

My life has shrunk to nothing.

A teaspoon of leaves.

A grain of pepper.


The road is dark and the ground beneath my feet is no longer simply the shifting sands. It has disappeared.

I stand on nothing.

I am becoming nothing.