A State of Constant Upheaval

It's my birthday today and I feel a little sad. My first birthday without Mum. Spent the last three days at Fraser's Hill which deserves a post in itself but the details have melded together and I don't think I want to write it anymore. Suffice to say I went with Anna, we walked a lot (ok not enough for her but quite enough for me), I acquired a fondness for Harvey's Bristol Cream, the place was mellow with old wood and pretty flowers (and a black cat that I named Uncanny), we had some delightful encounters with wonderful people (none of whom were members of the BMW sports club who tried and failed to book out the hotel for the weekend).

I finished reading The Little Friend and it left me vaguely unsatisfied, ending the way it did with nothing resolved. Sort of on a jarring discordant note. The book had 555 pages but it would have been more honest to make it twice that length. The font was small and crammed and it took so long to get through even one page. Nevertheless it's done. And I came home and picked up All Manner of Monks and finished it in one sitting. It was a delightful book, gently humorous and tragic by turns. But it also ended sort of discordantly and I need to look and see if Mike sent me any sequels to it.

I've decided to take four books with me to Hua Hin. Three of which are poetry books and one journal. And this doesn't include the two fat tomes I have downloaded on this iPad. I leave for Hua Hin on Tuesday. God bless my soul. It sort of feels like I'm stepping off a precipice but never mind. I can only fall so far.

So I'll be by myself for 6 days. Reading, maybe writing, and basically just contemplating life as it stands.

My room has degenerated into a tip. I probably need to do something about it before I go. At the moment, every inch of floor is covered with stuff. And I itch as I toss and turn in bed. Not good. Not nice. I feel like taking another shower. And it's 2 in the morning. I should just sleep.

The plumber came but didn't finish the work because some of it were deep seated problems which required more drastic measures. I am wondering how it all turned out. And there are other things that need to be done. Should make a list to give to Chubs who will be going back earlier in preparation for his wedding.

I didn't achieve all I wanted. But I did my best. And that is all you can ask of me.

What with everything I only ended up driving back on Friday morning. And then it was off to Fraser's. I left my charger at home and my change off tee shirts at the car wash which made for some interesting situations. But it all worked out ok.

I miss my Mommy. Hers would have been the first call at midnight to wish me. I wish I had spent my last birthday with her.