Resolutions

I started the year pretty disappointed that seemingly nothing had changed. My life was still in the same old rut, and I felt less and less like being upbeat and perky, even for a few minutes everyday, as I read through a list of goals for the upcoming year. I worked on one or another of my exercises in futility (OK, that needlework project may be something I end up giving nobody but it is sure starting to look attractive now). And I decided that I would persist despite the lack of results.

If you're waiting for a breakthrough story right about now, don't hold your breath. There are none. But if I had to zero in on one fault (among, like, a billion) I would say it is a lack of follow through. If I don't get what I want instantly, I stamp my foot, I give up.

Maybe it's the fact that I keep watching for results, rather like one watches a kettle hoping for it to boil sooner, that derails me.

So for now I say, OK, to hell with it. I will keep meditating, reading my goals, visualizing, doing all that kooky stuff.

Maybe things will change inside me. And then outside me. Maybe they won't.

But this sure feels better than wallowing in misery.

I just gave my mother a foot massage. Ever since her stroke, more than 20 years ago, her feet have become more and more non-functional. She stumbles about on them slowly and they hurt more and more. Today, she woke up and they were really hurting.

Until now, because of my habit of awaking only in the evening, I have done thing to ease my mother's pain. So today, I took the muscle and joint cream, asked her to lie on the bed and did a rough lymphatic drainage massage on her feet and legs. (The complete lymphatic drainage massage is a whole body thing and I think I may be introducing that for before she goes to bed every night and watch for results). The last time I did that for someone everyday, (a severely obese friend who had everything and their fourth cousins, wrong with her) for a month straight, there were wonderful results. Her feet, which were permanently swollen, unswelled themselves, her skin was glowing, she could walk rather than stagger and I think she actually lost some weight. Of course, doing the massage every day took its toll on my energy levels and I started to resent it. So I stopped. (see what I mean about becoming derailed?) And all my good work reversed itself.

So maybe there are some good things about this new year. If I look hard enough.