Just Once

I wish I could let this moment flow into tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. This small space of quiet.

I wish tomorrow would not come with its question and perplexities and anxieties and a woman with the face of a lizard and the body of Jessica Rabbit glaring at me from the rafters.

I don't know what I'm good for anymore.

Just pouring words into white space for nobody to read.

But what about work? What about making a difference, any difference whatsoever in this world? Or even in the space around me?

Alienation is a funny thing. The illusion of separation. I look out at all these people running about busily making themselves matter and I feel so detached. So out of it. So not part of it or anything else.

Drunk. Not quite. Not on alcohol anyway. I gave it up for Lent.

Maybe just drunk sort of tired, because I drove back from JB today and got caught in this jam where the car inched forward slowly and other cars weaved in and out and nearly caught me on the fender bender kender...whatever.

Tired.

Sad.

Out of it.

Please....