Pain

So this is what a broken heart feels like.

I'd forgotten. 

Solvitur ambulando

I walk for 2 hours as fast as I can, to make up the 12,000 steps for the day for the first time in so long but as I walk, I am conscious that it is not about the walking.

The pain in my heart from your cruel words which reduced me to nothing rises up. But after about an hour of one foot in front of the other, I suddenly realise that it is not your cruel words that are causing me so much pain. 

For I have to admit, the hurt is pungent. 

It is the fact of our discord. It is that your words have ended things between us so effectively that I am helpless before them. 

It's not even a matter of pride. Looking past them would make me your slave to be trampled on, as the mood takes you. 

I can't, I am not willing, to do that. I think you have serious emotional issues or maybe you just enjoy domination and cruelty. 

Is it that darkness within you that I'm attracted to? Am I looking to be tied up and lashed?

It hurts.

You hurt. 

I can't. 

I'll just keep walking. 

I'll walk my way through this until I come out on the other side.